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What the Hull?

Unfocused thoughts and random diary entries on the journey through life.

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Saturday, April 30, 2005

Karate, Spiders, Asda, Starlings
Went training to Karate club for first time in a year. Not much has changed except I've got rusty and Will has really sharpeneed up.

Went to the Good Fellowship and met a shedload of people including Sam and Billy's niece Lucy. Nice to see Andy out again. Too many people to talk to everyone but i like it like that.. Eventually time was called some headed home whilst a few of us headed to Spiders. Julie flagged after a couple of hours which wasn't a shock given a killer early start this morning and left us to it. Spoke to pink Emma (who's more red'n'black Emma really) she's coming back to Hull for a year soon, also bumped into Vicky W. She's always a fun chat. There was some guy in a white top hangin near us who I thought was her bloke but it turned out she thought he was with me, wierdness. I pointed out the chubby gay bloke that used to fancy me to Lucy, it cracked her up.. er what else.. Saw Riky and Al very briefly. Some bloke asked me to get Cat home safely, aw.. I was drunk and Cat wasn't really drinking but I did my best. Afteerwards some got chinese food from the checkurechange shop where some american guy was telling a couple of girls a very tall story about half his forehead being plastic following a childhood self harm inciident which I overheard with DJBen. I then told DJBen (curious name eh?) my whole skull and left arm were plastic, and so was the tree we passed and several buildings nearby. I really don't think he believed me tho :)

We went on to Asda were Billy tried unsuccesfully to buy an airbed for Lucy (no mains or manual pumps left in the whole shop). We wandered about for a while and saw in Asda (Kingswood, Hull) a Starling. I said to one of the stackers "Dude you've got a bird in the shop" and he told me it had been in for three days so far. So I went to the customer service desk to ask about the bird, thinking it's pretty bad from a hygiene point of view and also concerned for the bird's welfare. The night manager got called down "it's about the bird". Poor guy is probably sick of hearing about it, but he was pretty approachable. He said it had been there for about three days and if it's still there on Monday a "pest control" person is coming with a pellet (that's "air rifle" to you and me) to get rid of it. He said they try leaving doors open for it to fly out and if it gets exhausted they'll move it outside but otherwise it's basically gonna get popped. He said they actually get about four a year in the Kingswood store (Hull). They don't know how the birds manage to get in and I'm sure it isn't easy but this was the second one this year -and it's only April.... I can understand there's thousands of customers and only about four birds in a year but I also have a suspicion it could be dealt with in a more humane way. I really think Wal-Mart (Asda's real owners) probably have the financial resources available to knock out the bird without significantly permanently compromising it's health (killing it) and then to reintroduce it to it's natural environment (put it outside). If you think the same then let Asda know! Their head office is: ASDA House, Southbank, Great Wilson Street, Leeds, LS11 5AD, Tel: 0500 100055,
Fax: 0113 241 7732, Website: www.asda.co.uk. Just bear in mind the person on the phone or receiving your fax or letter probably doesn't decide Wal-Mart/Asda environmental policy so be nice -or at least tactfull.


posted by martin 04:13

Monday, April 25, 2005

Quick trip to Whitby
It was Whitby Goth Weekend this weekend. I would've liked to have gone but for some reason had my timetable skewy and thought it was on top of an exam so didn't sort accomodation. Boo hoo. We decided to drive up this weekend for a look around anyway and as Cat was working Saturday opted for today, the Sunday. turns out Cat buggered off to the cinema instead so we might as well of gone on the Sat anyway but what they hey.. Today Julie and I drove up there to catch up with Bill & Mel. It's less than 70 miles from here to Whitby so I figured it was aout an hours drive. Not so, I hadn't reckoned with Sunday drivers.. it probably took two hours to get there and just under two to get back -being stuck behind an expensive sports car that insists on trundling along otherwise empty country roads at 35 mph is soooo frustrating.. Anyway haven't been to Whitby for years and years, probably 8, the place hasn't changed. Met up with Mel & Bill easily enough and trawled a few shops. Overheard a couple of goth blokes discussing a hooded top, Q."So what do you think?" A."Too mainstream." so much for crushing stereotypes hehe. We then decided everything was too mainsteam too ;) Talking about it over coffee and cinammon I figured the true individual would turn up in blue jeans, trackie top and white trainers.. Did tea at a spanish restraunt then went back to B&M's hotel while they got changed for the evening. We grabbed a drink in a pub full of black clad visitors, spotted a lone chav drinking alone at the bar, giggled at an aged Frank Spencer lookalike then headed off as J has a stuipdly early start tomorrow for Uni. Decided we'll get our arses in gear and sort some accomodation for the next one.


posted by martin 00:33

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Happy birthday my blog
This blog has now been rambling pointlessly for two whole years. How log can it rattle on for and will it ever say anything worth reading? Who can say. Well my blog's a year older and so am I. Another year older and ten times more bitter ;)

Made some suggestions for the uni network the other week. They have a suggestion box so I popped in a note suggesting the network cant cope with heavy load (which it can't) and having the massive number of desktop PCs running windows XP that they have is a pain to support and they are underpowered for that OS anyway. It's honestly painful to sit and wait for a machine to respond, as for printing lecture notes before a lecture ..make it a week before and you might get them in time. Anyway rather than just whinging away I thought about it for about 10 minutes then scribbled down a terminal server/metaframe solution and packet shaping to optimise network traffic for people doing real work. Got a positive email back saying the head of desktops might like a chat about it. To think, I applied for a job with them a year or two back and didn't even get an interview... I also made some suggestions about the intranet we use which is currently a sack of shite because like most intranets no one realised that it takes more than a few simple to use web design tools to make a usefull website/knowledgebase -there's a reason web design is an industry... Anyway it looks like my ideas have been taken on board and I've been asked if I'll join a usergroup if one gets set up. So pretty good response on both counts there -I've yet to suggest they get an exchange system in to handle timetables and dump netware but babysteps for now..


posted by martin 01:59

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Police matter -or do they..
I noticed today that the wall between my front garden and next door's was damaged. Looks like it fell down. I asked my neighbour about it this evening, it turns out the wall didn't fall down at all... He got home after a drink and found some tool pissing on his wall. Not good. He asked the guy to stop and had an exchange of words then about 10 minutes later the bloke and a mate came back and pulled part of the wall down. He told me that this morning he called the police. They said they'ed check the CCTV footage and see if they could see anything, they haven't been for a statement so what the fuck they think they're going to see is anyone's guess -that and I doubt there is a camera covering this street anyway. This evening the two fuckwits who pulled his wall down walked past the house so they probably live close by ..my neighbour is 67.. Do you think he feels protected, helped or reassured? I seriously doubt it.

I wasted some time with the Humberside Police Farce myself a couple of weeks back. There was some kids going up the street smashing milk bottles so I let the bacon boys know.. they said as it was going on there and then it'd be a priority. I'm sure weekday eary afternoons are very busy times because despite looking I didn't see a police car all afternoon. Come to think of it the only time you see a mobile pig pen on this street is when they park on the double yellow or solid white lines at the end to buy a sandwich round the corner anyway.

Just perusing their website the news page has only one news item and that's the appointment of a new chief constable back in January. Does that mean they've done nothing since then? Aside from buying sandwiches and blocking my street that is.. I don't know why but the phrase "chocolate fireguard" keeps surfacing in my mind.


posted by martin 22:12

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The Office
Been busy studying and so on as per usuall. Recently downloaded an advance webrip of Alkaline Trio's "Crimson". It's lighter than previous albums and it took a few listens in the car to grow on me. When it's out I'll be buying a legit copy..

What else... hmmm.. last night went for a drink to Pave with Julie, Mike, Bill, Col and Nick. Talked about stuff including Erotica and pole dancers. Got a bit merry, I think Julie and I agreed to go speed dating with Col sometime. After kicking out time Bill went to meet people in Spiders and the rest of us decided to go to Zebra to watch some dancers.. We got there and asked for a discount on the door price as it was dead and there were five of us but the guy wouldn't budge so we left and went to "The Office" on Roper Street (Note: the photos on the website don't do the girls justice at all). We failed to get a discount there too but went in, was a fiver each -about the same as a normal townie club I reckon. It was my round but the bar prices weren't as bad as I expected -phew. The place was a bit short on clientelle but not as empty as Zebra had been. I'm guessing they really fill up after the clubs kick out cos it's open till 4. We took a big white sofa opposite the stage and settled in to drink and spectate. One of the girls came over and started chatting, think she went by the stage name of Sugar. It was a no pressure kind of thing. Nick was first to go for a private dance. Came back smiling. At some point Julie got him to ask a girl to dance for her. She came back smiling too :) It was an interesting evening not as seedy as I'd expected and the girls seemed pretty cool. The music was really bad but it's probably not what people go there for. I suggested a bit of Rammstein would go down nicely and it turned out the girl I was talking to is really into them. Julie and I both thought the place would make an excellent venue for a fetish night.. I wasn't too bothered about a private dance and was the last to go for one. That was probably one of the strangest experiences I've ever had (in a good way!) and nothing like watching a performance on stage. One of the girls said on Saturday it gets packed to standing room only so I think we picked the right night. We'll have to go back at some point with Billy and Emma :)


posted by martin 22:03

Saturday, April 09, 2005


Back from usual club :) Still a bit merry.. Saw James and Wes out, club was strangely full when we got there just before 11 -good thing. Saw a happily wobbly Phil. Heard The Clash's White Riot played back to back with James Brown's Sex Machine which was a bit disjointed, music was pretty good in both halves tonight. There's been more shuffling of bars.. and people say the place never changes. Went to the "checkurechange" chinese, hung about.. Billy produced a garden candle (?) whilst we were haging around waiting to go. Missed a call from a total babe on my phone, think it's too late to call her back :( Cat's at work ealy tomorrow morning so I'm trying to be quiet. G'nite.


posted by martin 03:11

Thursday, April 07, 2005

On the run
Just ran 2 miles and I didn't feel like dying afterwards :) Progress. Still don't enjoy it tho.. Back at uni after reading week and 2 weeks holiday. We had a communications workshop today about teams. 8 volunteers were needed and oddly enough they all came from my class. We got given a task that required communicating information to each other and problem solving whilst the rest of the class sat observing our interactions to figure out what team roles we adopted. I was identified as one of two people who took on a leadership role, the other being Donna. I thought it was cool that we didn't conflict with each other. Am I becoming a geek? er hope not. I'm finding the course interesting though.. What else.. bumped into Billy on the way home and invited him in for a beverage, haven't seen him out for ages. His work life seems chaotic but he's happy enough. Had a chinwag with Cat. Wrapped a birthday pressie for Julie :) She gets older this weekend.


posted by martin 22:01

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Erotica 2005
This weekend Julie and I headed to Manchester for Erotica 2005. Julie hired an apartment at Somerset Atrium which was er a pain although they look great inside to summarise: first apartment (108) no hotwater so after midnight moved to a 2nd apartment (105) with windows that didn't close so pretty noisy, I went down at 2am and advised the reception we wouldn't be paying. We got the 1st night taken off the bill and took apartment 323 for our 2nd night's stay. It was better although there were (an awful lot of) minor things, later I found the washbasin plug was absent, called reception and found that none of the apartments have plugs in the washbasins -it's their policy.. had to block it with paper and a tothpaste tube to get a shave. Anyway if you don't expect hot water, windows that close or plugs in washbasins and want to pay £110 a night then Somerset Atrium is the place to go but if you really must have hot water, double glazing and plugs you might want to try elsewhere.

Back to the main event -Erotica 2005. After a quick trawl of Afflecks Palace we walked the short distance to the G-Mex for the expo. Trawled stalls, ate oysters, drank wine, watched the show with the Porcelain Twinz and Torture Garden people. I predictably liked the martial art flavoured Kill Bill take off most. Julie bought a TG dress then we headed back to the hotel.

Next up was the Erotica Ball, a one of fetish night. It was very cool with pole dancers (both sexes so all tastes covered), fire breathing, wierd anime fishlobsterpeople on stilts, and more from the Twinz of course. Musicwise it was all dance music but one of the shows played 3 or 4 Rammstein tracks which the spectators head bobbed along to as they watched the stage -so maybe some industry would have gone down pretty well for variety. We met Cher and a bloke called Trafford in there, a couple of corseted ladies complemented J and I recommended the London event to us. It was interesting to see the huge variety of people at the do although I think the "black tie" option for blokes should probably exclude tan Cirro Citerio suits. Was a totally different type of event to Consent(OK Curious Club). Walking back through manchester center was trouble free. I have a feeling walking through 'ull senta on a Saturday night in latex and straps would probably mean someone got punched.. but evidently manchunians are more easy going, a few heads turned, a drunken towny girl said "Why's he got a better figure than me?" which was nice on the ego but Julie replied with "He hasn't." -cheers babe hehe.


posted by martin 20:06

Sunday, April 03, 2005

An invitation to embezel money from third world warmongerers?
The following is an email that was sent to my hotmail account. It was identified as junkmail but I thought I'd share it with the world anyway.. the blue italics is a cut and paste:

From : fara first
Sent : 30 March 2005 15:43:46
To : "fara_first@she.com "
Subject : Serious Letter!.

Attn:Sir,< STRONG>

Compliments of the day,before I proceed,I must be grateful to introduce myself as Mrs.Farah First,a former Aide to one of the ministers of the Sudanese government,prior to the time of crisis which is presently on,I got your contact from a directory I have just acquired through the internet.

Due to my position in the governmet,I have been able to come away with a reasonable sum of money meant for this brutal war still going on in Sudan so,I have the tendency to invest this money in a company with good line of products like your own company and with potential for a good capital returns in overseas.

Since your country is one of the good investor friendly nations in the world,I have decieded to live and run business over there I would therefore,like you to help me in every possible way in securing this money in your country.

Furthermore,I will like you to assist me in finding a good business that I will invest this fund.However upon acceptance, you will be required to come to Bangkok-Thailand for a meeting. This will enable us to know ourselves better and finalize arrangements towards moving this fund to your country.

In view of your participation,I am ready to give you a good negotiation percentage for your assistance or better still commit it into a joint venture project.Be assured that you stand no risk of any kind as the fund belongs to me only.As soon as I get your consent,I will quickly move this fund to your country and finally move my family over there as well.

I strongly believe that associating with you to embark on this and other business ventures will derive a huge success hereafter.If you have any question do not hesitate to include same in your reply and don't forget that any business done secretly yields a better result,please let this be between myself and you alone for security purposes.Thanks.

Best Regards,

Mrs.Farah Fisrt.


I don't think I'll be contacting Mrs. Farah "Can't Spell My Own Name" First with my bank details anytime soon. She's (or he) is basically pretending to be a dodgy politician who nicked a shitload of money, does that sound like someone I want to enter into a business venture with? Possibly not. The english is piss poor too. Needless to say it's a variation on the 419 Advance Fee email scams. I had thought these had died a death thanks to sites like 419eater, Whatsthebloodypoint and baitamugu who endlessly waste the fraudsters time whilst providing entertainment for the rest of us.


posted by martin 17:05

The Author

Unbalanced opinion and general wittering, sometimes in the small hours after a night out. Legal disclaimer: take all of this as fiction.. Any likenesses to persons, events or companies living, dead, past or present is purely coincidental..


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